I STILL DO NOT KNO HOW I SURVIVED TUESDAI 12/9

I still hadnt succeded in fixing up my sleeping habits and as tuesday approachd I was really worried. Everynite had me waking up at 5 pm and sleeping at 9am. 'Why not just wake up early the day b4 uni and fix ur pattrn then' u ask? Its easier said then done, 4 some1 like me. I feel like a completely diffrent person in the morn, I can hear the alarm blare at 11 am, but, like a zombie I smak it off, and continue to sumbler. Not mattr how much I try to convince myself, 4 me (or the monster I am at that time) sleep seems so much more important.
And so Tuesday finally came, but my sleep had not. it was 6 am on a tuesday and I spent the whole nite, unable to sleep, browsing the nite. I was wide awake, I tried to nap, but for me, i was as energized as a normal person would b at 2pm.
So I took a chance. It would b safer to drive to uni now, at 6.40 am while Im not too drowsy and sleep in the car until my consultation meeting, then take the journey at 9.30 on the M4 for 40 mins wen I would normally go to bed.
So I left, it was a quite morning, light traffic, but I cud slowly feel my lids slightly droppd, and drving, mushd between 2 trucks at either end, I startd to fall asleep.
I woke up in time, palms sweaty and all. I started to panic. After being already in 2 car accidents, I had always been traumatized wenevr I drove a car, and with my car acting up, esp when being on the freeway I was more nervous then ever.

WAKE-UP MOTHRFUKR!

I encourgaed my self, turned my ipod on, which was hookd to my cd/radio on and began to sing on the top of my lungs. I playd all these stupd, catchy pop songs, think 'aint nothing gunna break my stride, last one standing, me against the music to keep me up. I can feel myself slipping, so I sang even harder, to evn more cornier, taky songs, for I hav nevr heard a case of some1 falling asleep on the wheel, mid karaeoke session.

I made it luckyly. it was about 7.30 and there was no1 in the car park. the was a sharp chill in the air, as the sun shone in the white morning haze. In my sleep-deprived logic, I thought of going to the library and waiting there until my meeting, but as I made my way to the entrance I discoverd, like most libraries at 7.30 in the morning it was still closed.

The air's chill grazed my bare arms, as in the rush to get to uni, all I had on was a t-shirt. and I luckily found that the entrance doors to the building I was having my meeting was open. I haunted the halls of the building like a ghost, as I was deciding where I should wait, for the 3 and 1/2 hours until my meeting. and then my tired body caught up to me. 'Wat was I doing?' my mind askd me. I was a mess, I can feel the heat within me from how xhaustd I was, my eyes, were like pools of sores, my throat was dry from all that in car yelling, and to make mattrs worse I felt hungry but didnt want to eat, and the chair I was slumping in was terribly uncomfortable and highly visible.

'Back to the car! Back to the car!' the echoes in my mind demands, and lo and behold I was in the motions of going to it. Shivering in this morning cold....I felt more sick, opend the boot of my car, and grabbed a jacket that would prove way to thick in the late-morning heat, and squished in the coffin of my car's back seat. My body was too long for the back seat as I lay myself down to rest. For the next hour I tossd and turned, uncomfortable and unable to sleep. All I felt, was my growing awareness of the strength of the sun's rays on my overheated body, and the cars slowly building up in the car park.

I played with my fone's alarms activated its 5 alarms waking me up in 10 minute intervals leading up to 10.30. I lay there, just lying, eyes closed, brain thinking about nothing, about the heat, about my numb legs, the weight of my head on bicep as a pillow. 2 hours went by, and I felt a little bettr.

It was about 10 wen I peerd out of my car window to see the day before me. The carpark filld out quite nicely, and my hair was tousled underneather the hood of my jacket. 'To the library, the car is like a greenhouse now' said the voice in my mind. And agreeing with it I move locale to the library. I sat in the computr section of the library. connecting my usb to the comp, seeing yesterdai's working illuminating bak to me from the screen. No thoughts. no words, nothing. The power I had on making sense of my work, eluded me at this moment. evn speech felt difficult. I was here, but at the same time I was powerless. A victim of insomina, my creative pool was completely draind, evn more normal everyday functionality was almost non-existent.

And then he came, he found me.

the other honour's student happend to come to the library. He was nice, he was chatty. I was so embaressed. Nothing I made made sense, and my tiredness made me sem aloof. I tired god-dammit to make conversation, but it is really hard to do, wen I kept 4geting all the questions I ask him. He finally left, for his meeting was b4 mine, and as he did, I slumpd in my chair, exhaustd by my effort.

Like I clown b4 an act, I once again paintd a presentable face for my supervisor as our 11 finally arrived. I tried not to say to much, so I wuldnt look to senile, but some errors in judgement came. I tried to approach this meeting by coming off as 'wanting to her wat u think, as u r more knowing and experience then I aim, guide me plz' which I was. The good thing about this approach is u can sort of take a back seat and not hold the floor for conversation too much. the meeting went well, except for the parts where I calld her the name of my other supervisor. I can xplain it, wen I dun hav sleep I do stupid things with simple things, like names, I wold hav lookd to just hide away today, but I made a commitment to turn up. So I did the best I could do, with how I was at the time.

Aftr the meeting I went bak to the library to see if I can crash their before attempting to drive, so I dont crash on the road. I found a study room with two chairs, and placed them together like a bed, and lay on it. It hurt my back and I barely fit, but I manage to lay there for a while, with eyes shut for about an hour.

Feeling abit rested I decided to head back, I got my 2nd wind and confident enough to drive. it was about 2 pm so the traffic should be light, and it sorta way. I made it safely. Got some drive through from maccas (as I deserved a treat for todays tricks) and dined in the comfort of my room. the room was cool and deem. A light breeze had made the room feel like an oasis from the heat outside, and my curtains blockd out any harsh light. I was watching 'She's the man' b4 I left for Uni and I didnt finish it. So, with Maccas in toe, I watchd it, ate, and felt happy I surived today.

Thank-U God!

Chase.