Reassured...is the final Word....on a thesis, that was so Obscurd

A few days ago, I found out I passed! I finished my course!!! I wanted to tell you soonr, but been to busy and later is always bettr than never.

I was so scared I'd fail, that I didnt want to make an entry in my blog until I new for sure that I passed, until I got my confidence back, until I got the reassurance that only a past verdict can give me, to authenticate me as being legit. Stupid I kno, but thats how I felt.

You should hav seen me, everyday I woke up and the first then I did was log into platform web to see if my 'still pending' notice change to a mark. I had to wait for over a month and a half later that all the other honours students for my mark to come out, since I got a extension, and there was no definite date wen my mark was gunna come out, since my thesis had to be reviewed by an external and an internal marker and since the staff went on holidays, no one was really sure wen they would get on with it. I just had to wait, hope, and wonder each day that today would be the lucky day.

When the fateful day my mark was sent on platform web I thought that I was dreaming, it all felt so surreal becos for over a month I got used to seeing a 'still pending' notice, and now, NOW there was a mark, I was beyond happy, I was beyond belief! I printed out the page in case the Uni was going to ring up and say, 'sorry, we mistaked ur mark for someone else, Oops! Im sorry u faild'. But, just recenntly, I also got a confirmation that I am graduating in April, the dream of mine...IS REAL!!!

Now that the whole drama of my honour's year is over, I want to develop this blog into a diary of my journey in filling my own shoes as a designer. My influences, my goals, my set backs, my realizations. All of the messy stuff. This blog will feel more organic, more personal, I don't even know how things are going to pan out?! I'm will slowly upload the things Ive been up, while I was 'away' and as I carry one, things have been busy for me tho, and blogging as taken a back seat to just living up life. Please b patient with me as I find my momentum again.

I'm getting there.

Chase.

In my darkest hour, angels saved my life. .. 15/11

I began to write this post, detailing everything that went wrong on the day I submitted my thesis, and BOY! I had probably wrote about 700 words and I looked at it, and all I saw was negativity, and I dont believe that that should the point of my story of that day.

So I deleted it, and began to write this post. I'll keep it short and sweet. I survived it, I got it (my thesis) in on that day, thanks to all these kind strangers that helped me on the way. I had no idea ppl, especially people u have never met before can be so nice and supportive. It was really a life-changing lesson, and I shall never take the kindness of others for granted ever again.

That day was so hard, but the real point is. . . . I pulled through. Although I would never wish such bad luck and bad timing to even my worst enemy, Im glad I went thru it, becos now I kno my tru character, and finally believe that I can overcome even the worst of fates, becos I view things in a whole nue perspective now.

And if u still wanna kno those specific details, get in contact wif me, and I'll fill ya in ;-p

Things always look btr on paper 10/11

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Originally uploaded by Chasing SandCastles.

I finished a rough version of my thesis today, in 5 days I hand it in, talk about cutting it close. I have been racing the clock since day one, and although my body is telling me to stop, I keep on going. everything is sore, my eyes hurt, my liver hurts, my body is sooo weak, but something inside wont stop.

I have so much work to do, so I try to stay positive, but I kno im running out of time. Although its not my best work, I'm sooo proud of myself becos I kno deep in my heart, I did the best I can, I pushed myself to the utmost limit, and I survived.

I really cannot remember these past 2 weeks, it was all too surreal, I felt like I was floating in a dream, the rest of the world did not exist, the only space that was real was the area between my eyes and the computer screen, where the universe was whirling in my head, transferring all the galaxies from my finger tips, creating sparks of life as I typed in words on the keyboard.

The next few days were the stressful of all, there was alot of reading out printed versions of chapters, to sructinize any spelling errors, then re-reading my thesis in both pdf, doc, and indesign files. There was also alot of managing my days to kno what still needed to be done.

I survived, all I can say is I survived.

My mentor says that my soup needs more salt. .. but all I have is peppr and I cant stop sneezing! 7/11

My thesis is due in less than I week, I still get the shivers just thinking about it. I was so stressed, each day, my mind felt like it was going down spirals. Talking to my mentor didn't really help, although they were supportive I still felt under-prepared, like many students that I kno, when deadline is approaching, u find yourself saying "only if I had one more week".

Anyway, I put these new post its up on my wall, reminding me about the arguement structure I should follow so that what I was talking about seems more digestible to a reader, as advised by my mentors. Its times like this I go into work overdrive. I stop feeling sorry for myself and I go hard, telling himself, to not worrying about the insurmountable task at hand, take it day by day, and make every second count, work urself so hard each day, that evn if u are an insomniac, u would not have any trouble falling asleep. And I swear, each nite, even if all I got was 5 hours sleep, I woke up ready to fight the good fight, not only becos I believed in my work, but becos of all the ppl that hav been generous enougf to offering me their help along the way :-)

No Melbourne Cup of Life for me :-( 6/11

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Originally uploaded by Chasing SandCastles.

I ended up working all week the Melbourne Cup was on. I didn't even watch the race. The call it the race that stops a nation, I bet that nation didnt have a thesis to write!

To cure my feeling of academic imprisonment, I move surrondings every few days, somedays Im at my dad's, others my mums, other times uni, other times library, actually many different libraries. I like being around others that r studying, it makes me feel less like im in a one man race.

I swear I was a gypsy in a former life.

The Call - Why parents need to kno how to do emails. 3/11

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Originally uploaded by Chasing SandCastles.

I had some free time to help my friend out with his file recovery, becos, after driving for an hour to get to Uni, I discovered that I left the USB with my most updated version of my thesis still plugged into my computer.

I was so used to the sudden surge of panic, that I didnt even flinch when it set in. I spent most of today on the fone with my mum, coaching her on how to email me my documents so that my trip to Uni wouldn't have been for nothing.

After 4 hours, she just couldn't do it. frustrated and exhausted as I was, I kept my cool. I was running on only 3 hours sleep and I decided to conserve my energy for the drive bak come. I did snap at my friend from time to time, but overall I handled the situation pretty well.

I got home at about 4, and since Im on a tight schedule of doing 8 hours of work a day, I didnt hit the hay until 2. I felt beyond exhausted. I was on the verge on collapsing. And all I had to hold on to, was tomorro, it started all over again.

But hey, I survived, and Im still standing, so I guess it aint all bad.